Tuesday was a BIG day for me… in more ways than one. It was a big day personally, physically, spiritually, academically; you name it and it was scheduled to happen to me on Tuesday.
I won’t go into the details in order to spare you all from confusion and to keep myself from falling into self pity. We both win (:
Tuesday morning my body would not let me sleep past 730 am. My body wanted to be awake, and i tried everything to change my it’s mind. I knew Tuesday was going to try me emotionally (and in all the ways I listed above). So, I just wanted to sleep. Sleep it all away. Not in a depressed way, but in a self-defense kind of way. I was trying to protect myself.
Ok, needless to say, I ended up getting out of bed at 8am and I ran.
I ran through my thoughts, i ran through my reservations, i ran through my fears. i just ran. i ran my tiredness away. i ran. i ran and i listened to the Lord. i ran and heard, really heard, what He was trying to say and I had been too stubborn/busy to listen. I ran.
My day continued, i studied my brains out. I took a 50 question exam in 15 minutes and I could not tell you what was on it. The following day I had two midterms, so I continued to study. All while, I was trying to find a way to convince my mind that reality was actually happening.
It is Thursday and I made it! I made it! I don’t care if no one else saw or knows what i went through, i made it. I am not really sure how I will continue to make it, but thats not something that I am concerned about right now because by God’s grace and His unending mercy, I will make it.
Okay, so you’re probably wondering what this has to do with running besides the fact that I ran Tuesday morning. haha.
It matters because I got up...I got up!! Do you understand that?
By the grace of God, I GOT UP….On day that had IMPENDING DOOM written all over it, I got up.
I got up, and got up EARLY*. I got up and not only did I get up, I RAN. I got up and I embraced the day that in my mind and in my planner had sad faces everywhere.
I got up and at the end of the day my IMPENDING DOOM, well, it doomed. There tears still flowed, and when I laid in my bed at 1am with my eyes sucked dry, and with my head oozing out audiograms, and with my stomach in disbelief to the fact that it had been fed, and with my heart, as confused and weary as it was, at peace, i was still right, the day had still happened to the degree that i had imagined.
That day (tuesday) was a beautiful disaster, but a disaster nonetheless. As much as I thank God for it, it was just a blur.
BUT it started with a run with my King, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.**
Today, I wanted to stay in my bed once more because reality was still crashing at my shore. The waves were gentler than on Tuesday, but even with the decreased impact their arrival was stark. They still arrived one after another, and with a sweetness to them they sang existence into my version of reality. Their articulation was so honest, and it seeped deep into my bones. In fear and in reflex, i retracted, and so, there i laid with a text to Teen filled with excuses. Despite my every attempt, the tune of existence resonated within me and with the consistent tempo of the waves, i knew. There, I knew. I felt the beauty that is steadfastness; the wonder that is the truth. The truth that I have a choice even when there are things I cannot change.
So, do you know what I did?
Yeah, thats right!
I GOT UP. I was given a gift and I got up to embrace it. I got up and went to the ARC. I met Teen and we lifted/ran. It was great!
On my 2mile run I couldn’t help but think about this:
What if I hadn’t gotten up? (both Tuesday & Thursday)
If I hadn’t gotten up, I would probably still be alive. I would still have taken 3 exams in 16hrs. I would still have had to have said goodbye to one of my closest friends, but you know what? Im not really sure what else would be true if I had chosen not get up.
Im so blessed and grateful that I got up. I am beyond grateful for the strength that dwells within me.
I hope you choose to get up every single time.***
*Early being a relative term
**Physically I did feel energized throughout the day. So, Im super glad for that benefit of running.
***Sometimes, I’m told that I see too much into things, but life is too short to be un-purposeful.