I’m not even really sure that this past week even existed to me. I don’t know how to explain it but everything this week was a complete blur from Monday until now. I don’t even really know what happened this week- time just kind of came and went and I was just kind of floating on through- except in tornado form because I was so busy with not enough time to do anything.
My apartment is an absolute disaster.
I always equate the condition of my apartment to my mental state-
Nice and clean and organized? I’m calm, not too busy, and probably not stressed out.
Messy, insanely unorganized, and a disaster zone? No time for anything, super busy and stressed out, losing-my-mind-bat-shit-crazy.
Happens to the best of us, right?
I wasn’t able to sleep this week, either.
I don’t know if I was thrown off from my weird sleeping over Thanksgiving break, but I literally tossed and turned until the wee hours of the night every single night this week, which definitely made for
interesting crabby, stressful days.
Yesterday consisted of me having an anxiety attack that lasted all day. I’ve always had anxiety, but it’s never been crippling (let’s try to keep it that way). I randomly freak out about something, obsess over it, continue to freak out, and then the wave of panic will subside.
Yesterday’s episode revolved around me panicking about how I’m ever going to open my own gym. I’m in an entrepreneurship class in which we obviously talk about starting our own business. I think that class freaks me out more than anything- the logistics of starting a business are terrifying to me, they seem absolutely impossible. But it’s necessary for that reality to be shown to me. I’ve always been aware that starting a business is going to be a huge risk- personally and financially- but I also know that I don’t want to do anything else.
I worked for a lady that ran her own gym- she started it with another man who ended up leaving the business- I had never met him and she never spoke about him. After working there as an Intern for a semester, I realized WHY the gentleman left– this was by far the most backwards place of business I had ever seen. Of course, I was behind the scenes and made perfectly aware of the intentions of the Boss Lady. She was dishonest to her clients. She was terrible to her employees. One day, after a long and stressful morning of working “Camp” (which consisted of about 8 Autistic children and four employees for 4 hours on a Saturday morning) she called all of the employees into her office, shut the door, and screamed at us for 20 minutes straight about God knows what. She called each and every one of us out, individually, in front of everyone else and pointed out every single thing that she felt we did wrong that morning. Never once were we thanked, complimented, or appreciated. Let me just tell you that nobody wants to work for someone who just points out and focuses on what you do wrong and never acknowledges the things you do right. I did so much for the kids that walked into that place and she would tear it all down with lies to their parents- just to keep them coming back and paying more. I could write a novel about her and that place.
ANYWAY. After working there and seeing the dishonesty that took place, I thought “hey! I could start a gym and run it FAR better than this crazy lady!” And so the dream unfolded. I guess I have to thank her in a way, because without working there, I don’t think I would have ever gotten the idea to open a gym. But I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I want to open a gym more than anything. It’s going to happen, it has to happen, and I will make it happen- but I’m just scared it’s not going to amount to what I want it to amount to. The amount of MONEY that it takes to open and run a full-blown gym has to be MILLIONS. Do you know how much those machines cost? One good treadmill costs thousands of dollars, let alone more than one treadmill, let alone ellipticals, let alone the electricity to run the place.
Yesterday, I started rethinking the method in which I want to “train” people. Maybe expensive equipment isn’t necessary. As a matter of fact, I know that it is NOT necessary. But what will people think if they walk into a “gym” and don’t see any treadmills? They’ll run out of there and never come back (Hey, at least they’re running, right?) Crossfit is a type of “gym” that focuses on military style workouts that don’t revolve around running on a treadmill or any sort of stationary equipment- but I don’t want to rip off their idea. I know I won’t be, because military style workouts are NOT my specialty, but I still think that certain types of equipment appeal to the masses and in order to get people through my door, having some of those options is definitely necessary.
I could talk about this for days!
So far, the training has been going well. The plan only calls for me running three times a week so far, which is something I can definitely handle. It hit me yesterday that I need to start lifting the way I was lifting at the beginning of the semester. I was lifting three times a week for about 45 minutes each time. It was exhausting and time consuming, but it was wonderful. If I’m only running three times a week, I think that lifting routine is definitely feasible again. I have one week left in my semester- so hard core lifting will resume again once second semester starts in January.
The month of November completely got away from me and I forgot to come up with any December goals!
I guess my goals for December are fairly simple:
-Keep up with the running plan
-Stay on track with my eating- don’t get too crazy with holiday foods!
-Survive Finals Week- aka don’t fail Biomechanics. (eeeeek!)
The training plan for today calls for four miles again:
1 slow, warm up mile.
2 miles @ 9:36 pace
1 slow mile cool down.
Anyone else signed up for any races?
I’ve got my eye on a few more- this running lifestyle sure is expensive! Gotta love it.