Growing Pains

Ever get a vacation and then need a vacation from your vacation? Yeah, that.
But then you know that you have so much to do, that if you actually got the time off- you’d just be busy catching up on stuff that you haven’t been able to do because you’re always so busy…yeah, THAT.

Such is life.

Right now I’m vegging out watching Boy Meets World (best. show. ever.) because this was a very stressful Spring Break. Not all stressful situations are necessarily bad ones, but stressful nonetheless.

First off, despite all of the stress, there was a lot of fun.
-I fell in love. With Bikram Yoga. I can’t wait to get back and sweat my ass off (literally, I think it got smaller) and challenge my body in that unique way that isn’t so much about how far, how fast, or how heavy- but more, how hard can you concentrate, how deep can you breathe, and so on.
-I saw a good friend from high school who I haven’t seen in years. She recently had a baby, the cutest 6 month old I’ve ever seen (and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t really think babies are cute- I know, I know, I’m a terrible person.) We talked over beers for hours. Not good for my waste line, but we had a lot of fun so it was worth it.
-Saw Megan a bunch of times, which is always nice. It’s always a good feeling to see your long lost best friend. We ate lots of Sushi, drank lots of Summer Shandy, drank a lot of coffee, and talked a lot about the Hunger Games. WE’RE SO COOL. I KNOW.
-Spent a lot of time with my parents, whom I love more than anyone on the planet. My mom and I went to the Zoo and ate lunch on a bench- it doesn’t get any cuter than that. Also, a wallaby got loose! So that was exciting. My dad and I cooked dinners together and watched the Bulls- typical, but so fun.
-I landed a full time job…

Which is where the real stress begins.

FIRST AND FOREMOST- I am grateful and blessed beyond reason. I know and have heard countless stories of college graduates who are struggling to find a job relevant to their degree. And nevermind recent college grads, but people in general- it is HARD to get jobs out there right now. I know this, I acknowledge this, and for that, I am beyond happy and grateful and just pure LUCKY to have this opportunity presented to me. That I can walk out of my apartment here in Champaign on May 12 and have a 45+ hour work week waiting for me.

Moving on.

Obviously, I have never had a full time job.  Since I was 5, I’ve been nothing but a student. And a damn good one at that. I know what to expect at school- I know HOW to be a student. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO BE A FULL TIME EMPLOYEE.

#1. it’s looking like I’ll have an evening shift- 1pm-9pm Sunday through Thursday.
On the bright side: I don’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn.
On the not-so bright side: What the heck is that? 1-9?  I have to work on Sunday? What about when football starts? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

#2. I still have night shifts at the Park District teaching Group Fitness.
 On the bright side: More money? 
On the not-so bright side- part 1: I haven’t sat down and had the “so, are there any dates that you can’t work?” talk yet. Also, my actual schedule HAS NOT been set up- so there’s only been talk of me working the previously mentioned shift. It could very well change. Who knows. As of right now, I HAVE to work Sunday-Thursday because I coach tumbling on Fridays and Saturdays. YES- tumbling is a part time job, YES I now have a fulltime job, but the Park District was my priority before and I still have a committment to it until the Summer Session ends. I would hope that my new employer sees this as loyalty and commitment and doesn’t have a shit fit and take it personally… I’m hoping that I can, two days a week, work the morning shift and the rest of the days work the evening shift- but I made a commitment to the Park BEFORE I KNEW I WAS GOING TO GET THIS JOB. Right? RIGHT? Like, I am wrong for not just calling the Park and telling them “oh hey, you know that brochure you mailed to 230498234 people that states there’s group fitness on Monday and Thursday nights? WELL- TOUGH SHIT, I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE!” No. Right? Like I said, we haven’t set up my schedule in stone yet, we haven’t even talked about anything like that with official paperwork. I’ve just been hired and that is the extent of it. So maybe it won’t even be an issue. But until I know for sure- I will continue to freak the eff out.
On the not-so bright side- part 2: I’ll be working 7 days a week. Whether or not I have to cancel group fitness at the park, I still have to coach tumbling because it doesn’t interfere with the Gym. So, there’s that. Also, if group fitness does run at the park and I get the morning shift at the Gym- get up at 4:30am to make it there by 5:30am, work from 6-3pm, drive the 45min back home in traffic which will take close to 1 hour, 30 min probably- get home around 5:30, eat dinner FAST then drive to teach group fitness at 7. Repeat 2x/week. On my days off from the gym? Coach tumbling.

#3. My Master’s program starts in September.
On the bright side: I’ll have my Masters in Recreation Management by May 2013.
On the not-so bright side:  Re-read above and ask self: “How am I supposed to do ALL OF THAT AND be a successful, full time Masters student? Yeah…..

 #4: Sleep? Life? Fun? 
On the bright side: ….
On the not-so bright side: Implied.

I guess those are just my top concerns that are swirling through my head.
There’s a lot more- my head is a chaotic, chaotic place. Exhausting, actually.
What if my co-workers don’t like me? What if I don’t like them? What if I just can’t do it? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A REAL LIFE IF I’M AT THE GYM, AT WORK FOR 45+ HOURS A WEEK!?
Sure, money- FINE. BUT I’LL HAVE “ALL OF THIS MONEY” AND NO TIME TO SPEND IT. CAN’T GO ON A VACATION. CAN’T GO SHOPPING. CAN’T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE OH- OH!! I’LL BE TOO BUSY AT. WORK! See how weird that is? To me, that’s the most daunting part. Blows my damn mind. I will be at the gym for the majority of my waking hours. This is my life. MY LIFE. WHY DID IT NEVER OCCUR TO ME BEFORE THAT FULL TIME JOBS CONSUME PEOPLE’S LIVES!? I am an idiot.

I’m not even going to go into the fact that I hate myself for counting down the hours until graduation. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We need full time jobs to live, essentially. To pay for necessities like food and shelter. Somewhere to live. HOW IRONIC, because I’ll never be home- in my “shelter” and I won’t have TIME to “live” because I’ll be at work.

I know I sound like a crazy person. Like a spoiled little brat who doesn’t like to work. On the contrary, I love to work- I have just never thought about the severity of having a REAL job. I always knew that my parents worked hard but I never actually put myself in their shoes. Millions of people go to work 40+ hours a week. God bless doctors and other professionals that are at work 80+ hours a week. Holy bajeezus. Cannot even fathom.

What I need to remind myself is this: I LOVE FITNESS. I love going to the gym. I love working out. I love health. I love wellness. I AM GOING TO BE WORKING AT A GYM! I GET TO IMPART WISDOM ON PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE THEIR OWN HEALTH, FITNESS, AND WELLNESS GOALS. ME! I AM GOING TO HELP THEM! I AM GOING TO HELP THEM! THAT IS MY JOB! I am blessed to have landed a job that I (in theory, on paper) [should] LOVE! I need to stop doubting myself. 

On a different note, since I am now officially in charge of helping other people find their own path to fitness and wellness, I should probably start running and lifting again after a long week of one measly run and lots of beer…

If you’ve made it this far, I owe you a cookie.


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