Just finished two finals for the day and I’m taking a little break to write before I jump back into studying- oh, the joys of being an undergraduate.
Speaking of which, today is the last day of instructional classes of my undergraduate career. Instead of actual class, I had a final in both of my classes today, but it’s still weird to know that I will never sit through another lecture here at the University of Illinois as a part of my BS. Holy cow. Excuse me while my brain implodes..
Warning: outrageous tangents and stream-of-consciousness typing ensues ahead. Also I sound really shallow, so leave any and all judgmental thoughts about me as a decent human being at the door.
This past weekend after the race, Stephen and I got into quite an interesting conversation. A very sensitive subject for anyone really, but an especially touchy one to have with your significant other…
When him and I started dating almost two years ago, I was the heaviest I had ever been. Bless his heart for somehow being attracted to me enough to consider me to be his girlfriend (which has so many wonderful implications knowing that he loved me when I was quite the balloon) but since then, I am proud to say that I have lost about 20 pounds. I KNOW. Losing 20 pounds should make me look like some Victoria’s Secret model at this point, and I KNOW, 20 pounds is and should be a great accomplishment, but you can’t really tell by looking at me. Somehow, my little 4’9″ body can hold weight like a champ. Not saying I looked good, but I feel like normal people who lose 20 pounds look great- I have managed to somehow look the same- THIS IS NOT MY POINT! However, let me prove my point:
Although that was a nice trip down memory lane for myself, my point was to show that somehow I lost 20lbs according to the scale- but you can’t really tell, and also to show that over the course of almost 2 years, we’ve both managed to get really puffy cheeks- my other cheeks are probably just as puffy 😉 and is it just me, or did the puffy cheeks come out of nowhere? I know I looked and felt my best in October- maybe it was the Triathlon training with the added pressure of going to Vegas, but looking back on those pictures, I definitely looked the best back then… I would like to get back to that- because I remember feeling good about myself while I was there.
[Good to know I don’t look like I need to whiten my teeth in pictures! Also good to know he makes me look tan…]
This is my point: since I started dating Stephen, I have managed to lose weight and, although this is not necessarily correlated, I have made my fitness and nutrition my number 1 priority. I don’t believe in “letting yourself go” just because you’re in a serious relationship (as serious it is without a ring involved- which is a story for another day- or blog, for that matter*). As shallow as this may sound, I believe in continuing to want to look good regardless of relationship status. This may just be a personal preference, and it has nothing to do with Stephen and it has all to do with me and my desire to want to look good and primarily for myself, but also with him in mind.
ANYWAY. We had that talk. The one in which I try to avoid, on all accounts, to sound like a shallow bitch, yet voice my concerns for my significant other’s nutritional choices- not just based on aesthetic reasons, but health-related reasons as well. Because if you’re anything like me (read: HEALTH FREAK) you cringe when, on most days, your conversations go like this:
me: how was dinner?
him: good! went to Taco Bell.
me: what’d you get?
him: I don’t know, $25 worth and ate it all.
This is about the point in which a long, awkward pause in the conversation takes place because HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT!? I don’t even want to know how it’s humanly possible to order 25$ worth of food at Taco Bell, LET ALONE EAT IT ALL. Conversations like these happen all of the time- so often that I sometimes wonder if he’s joking because he knows it gets under my skin. Kind of like when he kept moving my tower! But that was much more comical.
He can eat at Taco Bell, that is not the problem. But when eating out, and in massive quantities, happens about 5 days a week, there’s a problem- and not just because can add up on your waistline, but because it’s just plain NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU.
When I decided to stop eating meat, I never forced it on anyone. I never asked anyone to join me, I never guilt-tripped anyone while they chowed down on their delicious-smelling burgers- nothing. Stephen and I went out to many meals in which he ordered meat and I didn’t and it never was, and never will be a problem.
My problem is that I’m a Kinesiology major; fitness, health, and wellness is not only what I’ve learned about for four years, but it’s what my career is about, and it’s how I’ve chosen to live my life. No, he’s not shoving the unhealthy in my mouth, no he’s never judged what I eat, how I eat it, or how much I run- nothing like that. But I just want the best for him, just like I want the best for everyone that I love. I often tell my parents about what to eat or what not to eat in order to live a healthier life. For the most part, they politely listen and decide to eat white bread and pasta anyway- but they don’t go out to eat 5+days/week, they avoid fast food, they don’t drink pop, they’re cutting down on the sweets- and so on. And guess what? I don’t care what my parents LOOK like- I just want them to be healthy and happy. I feel extremely self-conscious that this may be misinterpreted as me wanting my boyfriend to have the body of a Greek god (not saying I would ever complain if he did!) but it’s far deeper than that.
Back on track: (jeez I am ALL OVER THE PLACE!) So we had that conversation. At first it was ugly. I couldn’t figure out how to articulate what I was trying to say without seeming harsh and heartless and he couldn’t grasp the concept that my “career choice” is far much more than just a career. He tried to tell me to leave my work at work, my school work at school, and all that jazz- but this had nothing really to do with any of that. He’s in construction/flooring- he does Terrazo (if any of you need stone resin flooring- let me know!) and started rambling on about countertops- in other words: he was missing my point. After about an hour of back and forth and dodging insults and whatnot- we both settled down and got to the bottom of things and sorted it out.
Actually, we more than sorted it out.
We decided to challenge ourselves, individually, but sort of challenge each other two a 2 week “back on track.”
Because of my job back home as a tumbling instructor, I saw Stephen (usually) 1-2x’s per week (this has either been a blessing or a curse, but since I’m moving back home in t-10 days, I guess we will find out). The tumbling season ended I only saw him last weekend because of the half marathon– so I won’t see him until the Friday night before graduation. This gave us about 2 weeks to get our act together and hold each other accountable for making better food choices. It’s nothing serious or too competitive in that we aren’t having a weight-loss challenge (although I can totally see myself trying to talk him into that one day).
We both told each other “be ready to see me in two weeks!” which is a nice, fluffy thought to think that we’ll be ever-so-transformed and sexy in two weeks (now less than two weeks!) but we know that’s not the case. It’s still a nice motivating factor to keep us both accountable for what we eat until we see each other again.
I’ve been meaning to get in a good sweat since the half, but I’m still getting over this cold! Usually, my colds turn into nasty sinus or upper respiratory infections and sometimes bronchitis, so I decided not to push it these fast few days. Since I wasted far more time than I wanted to on this post, I’m going to try and squeeze in an Insanity workout later this evening after I get this studying over with!
*I’ve been throwing around the idea of starting another blog, with much different content, for quite some time. Since the throes of classes are officially over- I’ll probably get crack-a-lackin’ on that SOON! Look out for it as I’ll post a link to it on this blog somehow…. (hint: Yessenia- I’m going to need your assistance!)